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Finding himself through others

Robert Koil narrowly avoided being burnt alive, escaped murderous mobs and spent years fleeing hatred in his homeland.

But only two years after finding a new home in Canada in 1992, he lost the person he hoped to share it with: his wife.

Suddenly an elderly widower, the Sri Lankan native was alone in a strange new land with a young daughter to look after. Without family or friends and little sense of the community around him, Koil could have lived out his years in despair and isolation.

Instead, he dedicated one year of his life to mourning his wife, and the rest to the country that had embraced him. He began with the organization that tended to his wife as she lay dying of cancer. Throughout the 10-week ordeal, volunteers for the Dorothy Ley Hospice visited their home, often spending hours with the woman.

"They touched her life and my life, so that was the first thing I started volunteering for in Canada," the 75-year old says.

Relying mostly on private contributions, the Etobicoke-based agency sends volunteers and professionals to homes and hospitals not only for care but companionship.

For Koil, it was just the beginning of his career as a volunteer.

Over the last decade, he has poured his passion into countless social agencies, from the Tamil seniors organization he helped found to the Rexdale Ethno-Cultural Seniors he serves as chair — all with the common goal of bringing a sense of community to people who feel locked out.

His work culminated in a litany of awards, including a 2003 award from the lieutenant-governor for volunteerism.

Along the way, he may have finally found his own kind of peace.

Born in south India, Koil grew up in Sri Lanka, where relations between Tamil and Sinhalese constantly threatened to boil over. In 1983, thousands of Tamils lost their lives amid violent uprisings that wracked the nation. That's when Koil answered his door to find members of the local militia bearing a terrifying message.

"They came to our doorstep and said `Tonight, we are setting your house on fire,'" he recounts.

With his wife and daughter, Koil went into hiding until they could leave the country. When the couple arrived in Canada in 1992, it seemed like they had left the flames of hatred for the hope of a fresh start.

His wife's death in 1994 changed the picture but hardly dampened Koil's spirit.

His efforts have made him a fundraising lion for the United Way of Greater Toronto, through the myriad member agencies he volunteers for, but he never loses sight of where he came from.

Koil helped found a seniors association to address the special needs of Tamils.

"They had language barriers," he says. "They had cultural barriers. They were lonely. There was no forum to advise them on health issues."

Some of them, he adds, ended their own lives out of despair.

But Koil never loses sight of the most distant pavilion of all. Every Christmas, he embarks on a pilgrimage to his birthplace, the town of Nazareth in south India.

Since 1994, he has been bringing gifts to the impoverished families of this predominantly Christian region of India, until his local church, Martingrove United, took up the cause.

"Last year, we gave new sets of clothes to 660 and Christmas dinner for 1,000," Koil says.

Adapted from an article in Toronto Star, September 20, 2004, by Christian Cotroneo.
Photo by Steve Russell/Toronto Star